I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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