you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize