Quick, to the slutcave!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize