So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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