Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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