so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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