I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize