Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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