One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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