mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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