The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize