remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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