i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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