She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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