Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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