The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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