No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize