sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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