the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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