your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize