Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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