his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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