if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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