wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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