And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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