if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize