so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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