How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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