you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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