I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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