4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
