My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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