i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize