I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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