Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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