Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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