Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My penis needs a shock collar
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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