3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize