Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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