Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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