No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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