Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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