just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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