I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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