are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize