if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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