I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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