did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize