Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just threw up on my dentist
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize