Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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