oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize