You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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